I Deny The God of War Premise

I’ve played all the God of War games. I played them to the point of hating myself while playing, questioning my life choices. Thinking, “this isn’t even fun anymore,” but I continued.

The new God of War has a difference, though; Kratos is traveling with his son (with a beard, that’s how you know he’s older) and this is where I can no longer suspend my disbelief of the series.

Daddy? Is it true they call you the God of Whores?


Kratos and ONE son? Are you kidding me? Please go back through all seven God of War and tell me how many women he banged on a whim. If you were the type of player not getting any in the real world, you might have completed the dirty deed even more than the average user to see those digital boobies.

This much unprotected sex with women and goddesses leads me to believe Kratos is the Antonio Cromartie of video games. He has so many children he can’t remember all of their names. He can’t possibly just have one child and decide to take him under his wing. Let’s also not pretend he won’t find time to sleep with someone in the new game while his son is getting his ass beat in the forest.

Want me to believe this story? I want to see 15 to 20 children on screen at a time helping their dad, all made possible by the PlayStation 4 Pro. I challenge you Sony to make this story about a god killer with mythical creatures plausible, or you’ve lost a sale.

Also, send me a free copy.

I'm not here to be your puppet.

1 Comment

  1. Gio Vlador

    April 5, 2018 at 12:00 am

    Krato’s beard is gross but kinda sexy… I think that is his sex appeal.

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