The Shape of Water “Review”

I’m not much of a movie buff, but I like to keep in the loop during award season so I can nod and smile at social events. Seeing The Shape of Water won, I decided to go to Blockbuster and rent out a VHS to find out what all the fuss was about. Sadly, my local ‘buster closed and apparently VHS isn’t the standard anymore (for those of you that don’t know what a VHS is, it’s like a cassette tape) and I had to go out and buy what’s called a Blu-ray player and the movie. Now I’m $60 invested into this endeavor with no receipt.

What do I think of The Shape of Water? Well, I don’t know the character’s name but Sally Hawkins is hot. You can look her up and know that without the movie, but just because she’s a mute doesn’t mean she had to settle for fish sex.

Don’t get me wrong, it was a handsome fish, but in the world of man she can still do better. I’ve personally never seen a fish I want to bang, but that mainly because I can’t swim and getting in a boat is most certainly death for me.

That said, living in South Carolina I have seen many attractive horses roaming the fields proudly, trying to entice this man with low self confidence. Even with the abundance of hate I have for my self I’ve never delved into the world of beastiality, though. I assume eventually I’ll find someone just as desperate as myself that isn’t a horse and we will get married.

But I love you, Corey

NO, I won’t let you! Get away!

Also, what if the fish man is like a dolphin? Dolphins can’t cry because their brains are so small to feel emotion. It’s why Jay Cutler doesn’t have a job in Miami anymore.

Is that the kind of relationship a woman really wants? What’s he going to treat her like after they can’t get eggs now that they live in the ocean? I only see bad days ahead after this honeymoon period.

In summary, you don’t have to sex up animals. There are apps like Tinder that have plenty of desperate men and women looking for a hookup, and sometimes that’s all you need in life.

Rating: $20

I'm not here to be your puppet.

1 Comment

  1. Gio Vlador

    April 5, 2018 at 12:03 am

    Shoes are red
    Jello is green
    I think the fishman is fluorescent and hot

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