Super Mario Run “Review”

Super Mario Run is a run-run baby game that sheep can purchase on IPhone. You control Mario and his stereotypical friends as they steal coins and murder throughout the mushroom kingdom.

The murder is a large part of the game as it is reinforced by giving you money for murdering all the innocents found through the lands. It’s compounded by the more you murder certain enemies a multiplier will be gained to give even more money for your kills.

Robbing the land of money.

As the game is for babies, the gameplay consists of one button: jump. You always run right and that’s your life in this world. Luckily babies can play with their other baby friends in friend races where nothing is earned or lost because children get hurt feelings if someone beats them.

There are few other modes, though. Tour mode sees you murder your way through six kingdoms of four worlds each, all with hidden special coins that unlock levels that parents will have to complete for their child. 

There’s also rally mode where babies from all around the world can face other babies, but parents be warned, children can actually lose in this mode so you will have to console them as they cry uncontrollably all night after one round.

Finally there is Remix 10 which just randomly mashes up all the terrible levels into little chunks and forces you to play it longer than any sane person would want to.

You don’t want to play this long.

So what’s your reward for playing all these modes and earning death money? Getting all 182 decorations to make your kingdom pretty, but don’t worry no one will ever see it. It’s there for your own enjoyment.

Your baby will love all the colors.

If you love this baby game you can buy an expansion that adds Star world where parents will once again have to take over and complete it for their overly dependent children who can’t hold a controller so they play on a phone. 

Should you buy this? Well, ask yourself: am I a baby? If you answered yes, then go for it.

Rating: pacifier 

If you liked this review, be sure to check out our Sea of Thieves video “review”.

I'm not here to be your puppet.

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