Avengers: Infinity War “Review”


Have you seen a Marvel movie over the last 10 years? Well then you know what you’re going to see in the Avengers. There’s only one difference, half the heroes die.

Don’t worry though, only the new heroes die so no big loss especially since we know these people signed multiple movie deals so they won’t stay dead.

That’s your story, Thanos wants jewelry, he gets all of it on a bedazzled gauntlet then kills half of humanity which conveniently while supposedly random left all the original Avengers alive.

“Don’t worry, babe! We both die!”

That’s good for the rest since they will save all the dead ones in Avengers 4: Return of the Thanos.

What else do you want from this review? It’s a comic book movie made by Marvel. It has tons of stupid one liners and jokes that aren’t funny, but at least it’s got a vision (he dies) unlike Justice League. I just want Christopher Nolan and Christian Bale back to make good superhero movies, but that ship has sailed.

Speaking of Christian Bale, have you seen the movie Hostiles? Holy crap, now that’s a depressing movie and all the people that die in that aren’t coming back with comic book magic. 

So in summary, superheroes die, along with half of humanity, but it won’t matter because there are no stakes in Marvel films. Only Quicksilver has ever really died. I mean Jesus Christ, even Red Skull shows back up in this movie. Let the dead stay dead. Come back in a year to see our review of how all the heroes are revived.

Random Facts

1) Elizabeth Olsen doesn’t like wearing a corset.

2) Peter Dinklage gets to feel how it is to be a big person.

3) Guardians of the Galaxy get less funny each time I see them, but Mantis is hot and dead.

4) Deadpool would just regenerate, right?

5) Tom Holland got what he deserved.

6) Seriously, we already know these characters have sequels. Just use the Dragon Balls already.

7) Goku would have beat Thanos.

8) The CG of Mark Ruffalo’s head in the Hulk Buster is atrocious.

I'm not here to be your puppet.

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